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<title>always thought I was hard to love (till you made it seem so easy) by spideyxmoriarty</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27322606">always thought I was hard to love (till you made it seem so easy)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/spideyxmoriarty/pseuds/spideyxmoriarty'>spideyxmoriarty</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Sherlock (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Gen, Hopeful Ending, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Light Angst, Loneliness, Mike Stamford is a Good Bro, Not Beta Read, Pre-Canon, Sherlock Holmes Has a Heart, no beta we die like men, this idea wouldn't let me sleep till i wrote it</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 22:04:29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>873</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27322606</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/spideyxmoriarty/pseuds/spideyxmoriarty</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Sherlock is lonely. Mike offers to help.</p><p>OR</p><p>How I think the conversation between Mike and Sherlock went that morning in "A Study in Pink".</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Mike Stamford &amp; John Watson, Sherlock Holmes &amp; John Watson, Sherlock Holmes &amp; Mike Stamford</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>23</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>always thought I was hard to love (till you made it seem so easy)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I had this idea a few days ago, and somehow, this happened.</p><p>Definitely not beta read.</p><p>The title is from the song "Easy" by Camila Cabello.</p><p>Also, for those of you who are reading <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25739839">The Adventure of the Black Cape</a>, Chapter 5 is almost ready to post. I'm waiting for my beta to send feedback.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Sherlock is not crying. </p><p>That's what he tells himself, at least. Because Sherlock Holmes <em> doesn't cry</em>. Sherlock Holmes is strong, cold-hearted. He doesn't feel the way others feel. He doesn't need anyone.</p><p>Except that's all a lie.</p><p>The truth is, Sherlock Holmes <em> pretends </em> he doesn't have a heart. Because he does have one, but it's been broken so many times that he thinks if no one knows about it, they'll have no reason to try and break it.</p><p>At first, he thought it was a good idea. He thought perhaps the lack of company, the empty space would allow his heart to grow. But in reality, his chest has become so cold that his heart shivers constantly. It's small, and malnourished, and sore. And what's worse is nobody notices, because his heart is so weak that it can't even call for help.</p><p>Sherlock's heart is alone and helpless. And there's nothing he can do about it.</p><p>He must look so pathetic, he thinks. The great, cold-hearted Sherlock Holmes, crying in a toilet at Bart's Hospital. What a disappointment.</p><p>There's a knock on the cubicle door, and Sherlock realises that he's even forgotten to lock it. "Just a moment," he says, his voice accidentally trembling as he speaks.</p><p>He wipes his tears with the sleeve of his shirt. But it's useless, he realises upon opening the door; for behind it stands Mike Stamford, and it's obvious from the look on his face Sherlock has not fooled him.</p><p>"Sherlock?" Mike calls. "What's wrong?"</p><p>And Sherlock doesn't know what drives him to it, but before he knows it, his lips are moving without his consent. "I can't do this," he mutters.</p><p>"Can't do what?"</p><p>"I'm sick of being alone," he confesses. It feels relieving, somehow, to say it aloud. "I want a friend. A <em> close </em> friend. Someone I can trust, someone I can call in the middle of the night," he says. He thinks he hears his voice breaking, but he goes on because who else could he tell? He has no one; that's the bloody point. "I want someone who won't make fun of me when I struggle with socialising. I want someone who won't think I'm strange, someone who won't leave me like everybody does. I know lots of people, Mike," he says. "You, Molly, Lestrade, all the idiots at the Yard… But there's no one I'm <em> close </em> with. I'm lonely. I'm so, so lonely, and I'm so sick of it."</p><p>Mike holds him in a hug; an attempt, perhaps, to comfort him. But Sherlock feels no comfort, no warmth. The physical proximity of a hug is not actual closeness.</p><p>But then Mike pulls apart, and Sherlock thinks this is it. Mike will laugh at him too. He'll tell him to man up, to stop worrying about such nonsense. That's what Mycroft always says. That's what everyone would say, too, if Sherlock told them what he's just told Mike.</p><p>Except Mike doesn't laugh.</p><p>He makes a funny face, instead, and Sherlock knows what it is: pity. Of course Mike would pity him. But Sherlock doesn't need his pity; he already feels enough of that for himself, thank you very much.</p><p>"I know you and I aren't close, Sherlock. I won't pretend that we are," he starts. And Sherlock thinks he'll leave; but instead, Mike continues speaking. "But, you know, I've got some sort of a gift for introducing people. If I think of someone, I'll let you know."</p><p>Sherlock wants to laugh. Mike can't be serious, can he? A 'gift'. There's no such thing. And even if there were, how could Mike know someone who would actually like Sherlock? Platonically, romantically, it doesn't matter. Sherlock has lived long enough to know that those people don't exist.</p><p>Mike smiles at him, reassuringly, and that's how Sherlock knows he's let his thoughts show on his face. <em> Pathetic.</em></p><p>"Sherlock, listen to me," Mike says. "You don't have to believe me, but I'm telling the truth: it's not impossible for you to have a close friend. Don't be so hard on yourself. And if I introduce you to someone, I want you to promise me you'll at least give them a chance, okay?"</p><p>Sherlock isn't sure why, but he nods. A bit reluctantly, perhaps, because he still thinks Mike can't possibly find someone for him. But still, he accepts.</p><p>Before Mike can say something else, though, Sherlock leaves.</p><p>He goes down to the morgue. He needs to do something, anything, that can help him clear his mind. So he asks Molly for a body. He tells her it's for a case, which is not completely a lie – he does need to measure posthumous bruising anyway.</p><p>But then, as he's whipping the body with his riding crop, the anger just keeps flowing. Even Molly notices.</p><p>"Bad day, was it?"</p><p>Sherlock ignores the question. </p><p>He goes upstairs to the lab. He must focus on the case. It's all he can do to avoid thinking about his feelings.</p><p>Just a few hours later, Mike comes back. Sherlock's about to send him away; but then he notices:</p><p>He's brought someone with him.</p><p>
  <em> Army doctor. Recently invalided. Has an alcoholic brother. Lonely. </em>
</p><p>Sherlock smiles. Perhaps Mike was right after all.</p><p>"Afghanistan or Iraq?"</p>
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